tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71793364868631384362023-06-20T06:31:42.950-07:00Random Thoughts 38Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger189125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-51840236996330987342014-07-23T14:53:00.003-07:002014-07-23T14:53:45.867-07:00Yawning at Tigers, by Drew Dyck<div class="MsoNormal">
Drew Dyck’s new book, Yawning at Tigers is a very challenging
and helpful read for believers in Christ. In an age where men attempt to create
a God that makes sense for them it is good to be reminded that God is God and
He is not tame nor is He to be trifled with. I was not sure how to rate this
book. It was just the book I needed at this moment in my life and yet it was
slow at first and hard to get into. Drew rightly points out that we try to tame
God, that we try to have a God that is all about love and forget His other
attributes. On page 64 the author quotes a gospel presentation that he was once
presented with, “Being a Christian isn’t hard. You won’t lose your friends or
be unpopular at school. Nothing will change. Your life will be the same, just
better.” Not only is this a lie but the students this was presented to were
unmoved. Who wants a God that doesn’t change their lives or offer a grand
purpose? God is all loving but He is also Holy, just and righteous. He
transforms us and the notion that He would leave us the same and tolerate our willful
narcissism is ridiculous at best. The book is powerful and I fear that many won’t
be able to get past the beginning to get to the heart of it. Often we try to
tame the holiness of God as Dyck points out but we also try to put limit on his
love and grace which are inexhaustible. Dyck uses the story of Hosea to remind
us of God’s great love for us and the length He will go to win us. By the end
of the book I felt renewed in my faith and challenged to pursue God with all
that I have. Yawning at Tigers is a book that will challenge you to see God as
He really is instead of the watered down domesticated cat that this culture
finds increasingly popular. The book made me uneasy about my assumptions of God
which was just what I needed. It is a book worth buying and reading. I give this book 4 out of 5 stars for a great read. <o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-47390704901826752892014-06-02T16:10:00.001-07:002014-06-03T09:54:52.820-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Passion movement is made up of 18-25 year olds pursuing
the fame and renown of Jesus Christ. This is a compilation of messages from many who have spoke at the
conference such as John Piper, Francis
Chan, Beth Moore, Christine Caine, Judah Smith, to name a few. This book is more
of an overview of how Passion first came into existence and where God has taken
it from that start. Each chapter is a different message from one of the above
speakers. This makes it somewhat
difficult to review as some parts were much better than others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I found myself super
excited and wanting everyone to read some portions of the book while in others
I could easily put it down. But there were definitely highlights. One definite
highlight for me was found on page 54 and was written by Beth Moore. “We will
never be able to simply maintain what we have now. We either move toward more
of Christ or more of the flesh.” She
goes on to state that we are “capable of living victoriously.” I loved the illustration of grace by Francis
Chan. His daughter fails a test and he takes her out on a daddy-daughter date.
Think of how that could play out in our own lives. Who doesn’t like to be met
with grace and kindness? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of the things I loved about the book was the mixture of
ministries. While the writers are all Christian leaders, they each have
different perspectives. John Piper showed us how to look at the supremacy of
Christ and deep theology. Beth Moore and Francis Chan have this amazing ability
to communicate. Christine Caine inspired me to put action to statistics. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This book inspired me to expect more from myself and my walk
with Christ. It was thought provoking and full of truth I needed to hear. I
encourage anyone to read this book. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I received this book free from the publisher through the
BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a
positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="background: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://booklookbloggers.com/reviews/blogger/3125?ref=badge"><img alt="I review for BookLook Bloggers" border="0" height="150" src="http://booklookbloggers.com/images/blb_badge.png" width="200" /></a></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-53941046395509318142014-03-20T14:02:00.002-07:002014-03-20T14:02:16.618-07:00Powerful Devotional<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Jesus
Calling, by Sarah Young, is one of the finest devotionals I have ever had the
privilege to read. The entries are both powerful and compelling, but succinct
enough to easily fit into a before work schedule. It is so nice to begin my day
with this book. It feels as if God is talking to me personally. Many times it
has served to calm my anxious thoughts and point me in a right direction. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Here is one
example of how this book re-aligns my thinking ; </span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"> </span></span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">"Rest in My Presence, allowing Me to take charge of this
day. Do not bolt into the day like a racehorse suddenly released. Instead, walk
purposefully with Me, letting Me direct your course one step at a time."</span>
So often I get hurried and miss being attentive to Jesus. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">I am so thankful to Book Sneeze for
allowing me a copy of this book to review. I have much enjoyed reading it and
hope to be able to read often in the years to come.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-5701922500554813952012-09-14T17:40:00.005-07:002012-09-14T17:40:55.648-07:00Risky BusinessI believe in remembering. I know that it helps us be thankful. I know it helps us avoid multiplied disasters. I believe it gives us perspective and helps us grow. I just don't like to remember. Sometimes memories flood at me. Usually bad ones. They threaten to overwhelm me because I look at the parts that are disaster and fail to look at who brought me through the disaster. I fail in that moment to forget that I made it to the other side. We are going to begin a series at church this week called risky business. So I've been thinking about risk and whether I would take the same risks if I had it to do over again or whether I would be more self-protective. In my thoughts I take more risks. I figure that since I was pretty fearful in life and I still had to go through a lot of nightmares why not risk it all. God has been with me all of the way. At one point this week I asked God why I refuse to grow closer to Him without the prodding of pain and suffering. I begged Him to show me the way to be close to Him without feeling pain. I think that is the way of life for all of us. But I have also pondered this week the treasures that come out of the pain. I love God so very much and I know I would not have the relationship that I have with Him if I had not suffered calamity or dealt with struggle. I feel closer to my children than I ever have and I believe it is because we have gone through fire together. I am a child of God who is most grateful. I am a child of God who is thankful for risks taken and battles fought. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-43909916643009802112012-08-03T09:44:00.003-07:002012-08-03T09:44:57.301-07:00Roses and RememberingWhile looking at Pinterest my eyes caught a picture of some beautiful, pink, cabbage roses. The sight nearly brought me to tears but also allowed God to speak to me. You see, I miss my rose bushes. I miss spraying roses, pruning roses, shopping for roses, picking roses, and most of all I miss having vases full of roses all over my house. When you have upwards of 100 rose bushes your springs and summers are glorious. There is never an end to the beautiful bright beauty and sweet smell that they bring. I miss getting up early and plucking off the dead blooms and bringing in freshly cut blossoms. I didn't need to wait for the blooms to look ratty, I had so many. It is a part of my old life that I avoid thinking about. I don't allow myself to go to Flower World anymore. I avoid walking by the roses in grocery stores and the rose plants lined up outside Fred Meyers in the spring. That is what I do. My default plan to avoid change and pain is to avoid. Thinking about life and change today I believe that is how I handle most of the pain in my life. Maybe it is what you do too. If I don't think about it, it's not real...but it is...and the reminders come. God gently shows me that I have to walk through my pain, not avoid it and pretend it isn't present and isn't real. I don't have my rose bushes anymore, and I don't have a husband that brings me flowers (rarely), or listens to me talk about my day, or gives me a man hug (they are different). But I have much. I am rich. After feeling the pain of loss I counted what I have...a house full of girls that love me, a beautiful grandson who lights up when he sees me, meaningful work to do each day, the love of my Father...and so many more. Loss is part of life. I think I may allow myself to remember more often...giving the pain as an offering to God and being grateful for what is now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-7731329495539815612012-07-02T23:50:00.002-07:002012-07-02T23:50:28.346-07:00Heart TroubleThe heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9<br />
<br />
<br />
I have been thinking about the heart today. The above verse keeps showing up in everything I have read today and even on a couple blogs I follow. It is like I cannot get away from it. And it bugs me. That is because I have had to learn the hard way just how true it is. And it seems like I have to keep learning the hard way. The heart cannot be trusted because it is filled with the disease of sin and even with years of walking with God I am still full of my own self and sin. My heart is broken and far from where God wished it to be when He created it. But so often we fall for the falsehood and subscribe to the lie to "follow" my own heart. This feel-good statement replaces the true wisdom that searching after God brings to my lifes many questions. From choosing a career to deciding whether to stay married far too often believers and unbelievers alike choose by their feelings instead of God's Word. We end up doing what we want to do in the short term and then suffer for it in the long term. When I want to sound righteous while I "follow" my own heart I can always say that it is "God" who is moving my heart or that I can trust my feeling because I have prayed and still "feel" this way. But when I follow my heart...when I go by how I "feel"...I become self-absorbed, shallow, fearful, vain, and I make really bad decisions. And I wallow. Because I am all about me and not about anyone else. But I need to fight against self. Because my Jesus went to the cross and not to the spa. He did not spend His days or emotions on Himself but upon others. He did not dwell upon being offended but showered upon us His grace and mercy. And He ALWAYS did the will of His Father in heaven and did not yield to His humanity with its feelings. Whenever I have followed my heart I have ended up bruised and crushed. I have felt the pain of offense and the sting of my sinful nature. When I have followed God I am bruised and crushed as well, but it is a bruising and crushing that bears fruit instead of death. It is a bruising and crushing that comes from putting to death the flesh. And it is a crushing that comes with peace. We have not been called to follow the lie of our hearts or the whims of our emotions. We have been called to follow Jesus.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-89295825979557801152012-06-23T00:02:00.001-07:002012-06-23T00:02:24.880-07:00A Lump of Clay<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 5pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I often say I am fascinated by creativity. I know that each of us is creative but I am rather partial to that type of creativity that I am not. I am not an artist. I don't even hang pictures up in my house or pick colors of paint except when forced. It amazes me how we all have the same hands and brains and mouths and yet some can draw anything; others can sing with beauty; and still others can design. I can't even decide how to arrange my furniture. I love the story about how we are clay in the hands of a potter even though it is hard for me to relate to creating something beautiful and artistic. The first reason I like it is because it uses something incredibly ordinary to create beauty. Clay is simply dirt taken from the ground. In Genesis God says that we were essentially formed by dirt and in the verse about the potter God says that He is still forming us as though we are dirt. Clay also has no power at all. It is a lump of dirt waiting to be dealt with. This reminds me that God holds the power of the universe and that, no matter how much I want to be in control, I am in God's hands. Clay does not have its own plans; it has no aspirations and gives itself wholly to the artist. Clay is most pliable when mixed with water and I am at my best when I yield to the Spirit of God and when I am in fellowship with other lumps of clay. I also like that clay is most often made into something useful. I have a deep desire to be both used and useful. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">Clay cannot mold itself, but needs the direct contact of the potter’s hands to mold it into what he wants, and what he determines will be most useful. It is shaped by his hands.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt;">When a potter begins to make an object, he wraps his hands around the clay as it spins, and then squeezes the clay so it will begin to take shape. The same holds true of us. We are squeezed and molded until we become what He desires. And then comes the </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial", "sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;">part I would want to skip entirely. Clay must be put through the fire to be of lasting value. I have felt the fire lately; actually for a long time. I have to remember that the fire does good; that I am being worked on by a master creator. The process is painful--but good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ask myself, Do I trust the potter with this life I have? Do I trust Him when all is falling down and apart? Do I believe that the finished product will be worth this pain. Some days those questions are harder to answer than others. </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-14415907093718782582012-06-20T15:30:00.001-07:002012-06-20T15:30:41.824-07:00Wednesday ThoughtsI am not sure why this week started out with me in such a foul state of mind but I decided that today had to be the end of it. I mean I guess I know why it did but I also know that I gave into the mood far too easily and I need to fight back against it. The problem is that I struggle to resolve things. Which is terrible because I get offended very easily. Thankfully if you offend me you will seldom know it. I won't tell you and I rarely will act the part. I will just hurt deep inside and be convinced that the problem is me (which is a good guess because often it is). I don't know if I am making any sense or not. Needless to say, this week started out with a convergance of badness. It was Father's Day and I missed my dad more than I had allowed myself to in years. I am still struggling with making sense out of my husband's passing. I allowed myself to be worried about all sorts of things that will never happen (most worries, statistically speaking, never do), and I managed to get offended. All of this converged on a Monday along with extreme fatigue. But today I fought back. Thankfully God sent me two of my favorite helpers to work and we played and cleaned out the refrigerators and freezer at work and I remembered that accomplishing a task makes everything feel better and young children bring me joy more than the sunshine. Hopefully...just maybe...it will last.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-23730340962124971852012-06-17T19:05:00.003-07:002012-06-17T19:05:41.755-07:00Father's DayToday was Father's Day...and we didn't have any fathers...at least my girls and I didn't. And it felt harder than most years for some reason. I missed my daddy today. For so many years I would rarely allow myself to think about him. He was gone so suddenly and I was not okay with that. If I didn't think about it then I didn't feel the pain. Today was different somehow. When I went to the store yesterday I was reminded that little Elijah's dad was having his first Father's Day and that I wanted to encourage him to be a good father. One of the reasons it was so hard to lose my dad is that he was such a good father...and I am so incredibly thankful that I had a great dad. So I got Juan a card and a small gift and I told him how glad I was that he was being a good dad. We made a plan to take him to lunch and on an outing with his son...and that was good. It was a bittersweet day...and like a lot of days I am tired and fighting off the temptation to say poor me and instead to say thank you Jesus...I can always think of what I have lost...we all can...but I know God well enough to trust He has always known what is best for me...and while I may no longer have my dad, I have my heavenly Father and that will always be more than enough.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-3488510721122450712012-06-06T01:17:00.001-07:002012-06-06T01:17:43.808-07:00Of Rats and Toilets and FearTonight I felt done. I just wanted everyone to be saved so I could go home, my home. I have felt a little close to the edge but was managing to stay on the ledge. Sometimes it is a small thing that sends you over. And tonight that small thing happened. I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and finish getting ready for bed. And it was then I noticed that someone had forgotten to flush the toilet. No, that was not the small thing. So I flushed it, mildly annoyed. And then I noticed that it had not flushed. So I flushed it again. And it was then I noticed. Two paws and a little head. Thankfully dead...but still staring up at me. I am deathly afraid of all things rodent. To the point of paralyzed. And I realized I am alone. (Believe me, in this situation my girls are useless). And I just wanted to give up. I felt beaten. And I know it's a small and silly thing. I went to bed and all I could think of was that I have a car that doesn't work, a broken dishwasher, and a rat in the toilet...and it's the rat that is doing me in. The rest doesn't bother me so much, but that rat. It's enough to make me want to throw it all in. I went to bed and talked to Jesus and remembered a song I learned when I was a young Christian. Part of it goes like this, "One day in your presence is far better to me than gold or to live my whole life somewhere else. And I would rather be a doorkeeper in your house, than to take my fate upon myself. You are my sun and my shield. You're my lover from the start. And the highway to your city runs through my heart."....I still have a rat in my toilet and will until I find someone to take pity on me. And I had to get up. Because when I shut my eyes all I see are rats. So I wrote you this story so you can all laugh at me. But I am comforting myself by remembering that I don't mind spiders and snakes. And I am ready to meet Jesus any time. And there are no rats in heaven. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-47617957074550986272012-05-11T23:00:00.001-07:002012-05-11T23:00:12.496-07:00A Life InterruptionThere are unexpected moments in your life that you wish you could freeze. Moments that teach you that it is good for your heart to be broken and your life to be interrupted. I had a moment this week. A young girl, about the age of my youngest came into the office wanting some help. I had served her dinner the night before at church and for whatever reason I felt a connection to her. She is estranged from her parents, out of money, out of a home, and living on the streets. I know only the part of her story that she gave me, and I know there is probably much more to it than what she did tell me, but that didn't matter. My mama heart wanted to rescue her in that moment. I would have gladly given everything I had in that moment if I could have helped her, really helped her. In that moment I wanted to have a big house or apartment building where I could just love on hurting people and show them that there is a God who loves them and who is a giver of life and hope. But I didn't have any of that. We helped her. And I listened to her and cried with her and hugged her. I gave her my number and told her I would feed her or talk to her anytime. I told her that I would love for her to come to church and that it would be a safe place where she would be loved. And as she left it felt like I gave her nothing. I felt such grief. It's not like I haven't been asked for help before or heard sad stories before. I have. But this one broke my heart. Probably because she is so young. Probably because I thought about how this girl is just one of so many, so young, who already live such hard lives. Probably because for one of the first times I felt like I don't do very much to make a difference for those who need it most. And I feel so powerless. I don't switch gears very easily; my heart still hurts and I am praying for this lost one. I haven't told my girls about this because it hurts and I know it won't be the same for them as it is me. But they keep asking me if something is wrong. I am praying that a part of this feeling stays with me. It is good for a heart to be broken with the things that break the heart of God. It is good to feel powerless and cry out to God for the things you cannot fix. I don't think we were created to live "normal" lives. We were made to glorify our creator and serve Him. And she is one of His lost ones. And I want that to matter...at least to me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-38570314241780704422012-05-09T15:56:00.002-07:002012-05-09T15:56:22.005-07:00Epic FailThis past Sunday I was super excited because we were having missionaries visit our church. I love missionaries but I was more excited than normal about these missionaries because they are missionaries I have chosen to support and even though I have never met them I felt a bond with them. The kind of bond that comes when you pray for someone and get connected with their mission. The kind of bond that connects people even when they have never met and never had a conversation. Those bonds that are little known outside of the family of God. And now I am kicking myself and feeling like an epic failure. You see, I didn't meet them. I have this extreme difficulty in meeting people I have never met. Like almost a phobia. And I hate it. I have become better over the years. I can greet new people at church and I don't struggle with meeting people in my office. But its when I am excited to meet someone and the time comes that they are present that I fail. I was busy and they were pretty well occupied before church so I told myself that after church would be my moment. But the service ended and I froze. I left as fast as I could. I felt all of my insecurities come over me and the moment where I could take the risk and step beyond all of that fear passed. When I think over my life I can see so many moments that have passed because when the challenge came I did not step out from who I was and trust that God could carry me in those uncomfortable spaces. Every year I tell myself that this is the year of taking those risks which must seem ridiculously small to most of you but which loom large in my life. And I do. But there are still the days like Sunday where I freeze and fail and which are followed by the week of regret. Sometimes you cannot go back and get the moment; that is how it is with this. But I am hoping that I learn from it and that I can hold onto and recall this feeling the next time I am faced with going out of my comfort zone. God never meant for us to be limited by our fears but to trust Him and face them as they come. This time I didn't but next time...well, we will see. I have hope.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-17723114088027458942012-03-29T14:07:00.002-07:002012-03-29T14:07:54.658-07:00Choosing JoyJoy is a choice that I can make. The sad truth is that I often don't want to. I don't want to let go of feeling the misery of my present trials and put on what Christ has for me. This time of year often brings back painful memories for me. It is the anniversary of an extremely difficult period of time I went through in my life. Each year I tell myself it won't be so hard this year and each year I am wrong. But last night Pastor Dale was talking about trials and it helped. He was talking about the daily trials that hit all of us and this is more of a life crisis but it got me thinking. To have joy I must choose it. I must decide that coming out of the darkness is a much better choice than staying there. To be a light in the darkness I have to shine. Seems simple enough but it isn't. Life is hard and when I decide to dwell in the bleakness of it all I cannot be an effective Christian or a Kingdom dweller. I may have a place in the Kingdom but I am living as if I am determined not to dwell in that Kingdom until I have to. For me it is often about trying to make sense of the darkness I have gone through even though there is no sense in it. It is about asking what it was about me that made this bad thing happen and then making sure I am punished for it. It is sometimes about feeling that I don't have a right to be joyful. It is about not wanting to let it go. It is good to remember what God takes us through but it is bad to live continually in things that are already past. I am not sure I fully get what I am writing here but since I truly believe that I serve the God who is enough, and I do believe that, I am going to choose joy each time I catch myself sitting in a dark spot. I will give those dark places that I cling to back to Him. I will offer up my wallowing and choose to believe that life and joy are better and that it is okay for me to take them.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-17886102292924982462012-03-19T19:23:00.000-07:002012-03-19T19:23:38.515-07:00Where's WaldoI have this Waldo game on my new phone. You know, the guy in the stripes that you have to find. Well, I was sitting in church on Sunday and listening to this really good sermon about how believers need to respond to God instead of reacting to people. And I was thinking in my head about how that is true of circumstances as well. Instead of reacting to all of the stuff I have to go through in my life I should respond to God in trust. A little like Joseph when he was sold into slavery, worked himself to a fairly high position only to be thrown in prison. He chose to respond to God; to not question Him and to not only remain faithful but to grow in the faith that he had. And God of course had a purpose for all of it. I started thinking about 1 Corinthians 13, the 12th verse; "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. " I only partially see when God sees the entire picture. Responding to God in my circumstances is about trusting Him when I don't understand the situation I am in and when I don't know what to do. Responding to people is a lot like that. It's about knowing that whatever people are saying and doing around you that God is in control and that He will help me walk in His love no matter what. There is this part in the Waldo game where suddenly the screen gets all fuzzy and cloudy. They call it a sandstorm and I can't see Waldo and all of the other stuff I am supposed to find...where I have to find the magic lantern and click on it in order to keep going. I get lots of sandstorms in my life. My life gets all fuzzy and the people around me make choices I don't like and my circumstances seem impossible...and I find I react to that...instead of praying in faith and trusting God. I pray...but I lots of times don't believe it will make a difference...I don't have a magic lantern that has starry sparkles around it to show me where it is...but I am indwelt by the Spirit of God. I wish God would just give me a list each day of what He wants me to do, warnings about what I am going to be tested in, and when would be the best time to go home and find everyone in harmony. But instead He leads me and way too often I resist. I want comfort instead of stretching. But I read today that my "anxiety is the outcome of the perception that something is happening God didn't design for our good and His glory." (unknown) I also am pretty sure that I like to be in control way more than I think I do. I don't play Waldo during church. Just want you to know that. I hardly play at all. It's not like the books and requires way too many skills. I just like to find the hidden objects. Most days I think life requires way too many skills and that I have both failed and am failing. But it's probably not that way at all. I am just in the middle of a sandstorm and can't see clearly. For now I need to believe He is leading me through this storm called life, using me to make some sort of difference, and that the problems that to me look insurmountable, well, I know He knows what He is doing and I will keep praying that I head in His direction.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-86215956121383064712012-03-05T22:19:00.000-08:002012-03-05T22:19:19.645-08:00Monday ThoughtsI have been a bit distracted lately. New babies will do that to you. But I also got sidetracked and maybe went just a little crazy finding this new little life and the resulting upheaval in our home has just plain worn me out. It was nice today to have an Adventure Monday...not work and not home and not busy. While riding home from Seattle today I got to thinking about how many much stuff you can get wrong nowadays. Like, I don't ever remember to bring my own shopping bags to the store...and I still drink bottled water...and sometimes I will just dump something in the garbage that could be recycled because I am lazy or tired or both. These are important things to some people and I don't want to minimize it. I often feel guilty over my inability to understand what is most important and why it is important. And why should I buy organic food anyway? I sometimes feel that way as a believer in Christ. I spend a lot of time doing stuff at church...many hours planning and preparing the things I do for Christ. But sometimes I struggle wondering if any of it matters...whether it makes a difference or is just me doing stuff. And then when I blow it I wonder if I should even keep going. I deeply desire my life to matter and, for me anyway, the only thing that really matters in helping people find relationship with God and helping them move forward in that relationship. Each day I try to make those around me feel loved and valued... Each day I try and lift up the name of my Savior and make it known. I don't want to reach the end of my days and find out that my motives stunk so bad that it was all about me and not about Jesus. I don't want to find that none of what I did was of any true value. I have to remember that all Jesus wants is me...and He has me...and that is what will matter...to Him and to those around me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-59159600143105680312012-02-10T11:26:00.000-08:002012-02-10T20:20:54.780-08:00The LawI don't love God or my neighbor nearly enough and I need Jesus. I was thinking about the law this week and reading some of the Old Testament verses about the law and realized that there was no way I could even keep the one, best law. This especially became evident as I came home last night and immediately got after my kids about stuff they had not done...stuff I had not asked them to do...stuff I thought they should just see and do. Crazy. I hate it when people do that to me but here I am doing it to them without so much as a hello and how was your day. We talked later about how overwhelmed I have felt lately and how sick I have been and how I have felt the events of the recent past have hit me once again and they were gracious to forgive me. But I thought about how impossible it all is, to love like Jesus does. And after we get through treating our with love our neighbors and family we are instructed in the New Testament to love our enemies. Now, I don't have the kind of enemies that are out to destroy me, but if I did Jesus would say to love them. You see, the law is a mirror. It reflects to us our problem, our condition, our need, and our death. The law is good because it shows us reality. And the reality is that I cannot keep even the 1 law, let alone the hundreds of laws that make up the Old Testament law. In Mark 10:26 the disciples, upon hearing how difficult it would be for a rich man to be saved ask a question, "Who then can be saved?" And it is in Jesus answer that I understand...it is impossible, only God can do it. The point of the law and the gospel and my bad moods is that keeping the law and being saved by keeping it is impossible, but grace, salvation by God alone is what God did for us sacrificing His Son on the cross. Everything is possible with God.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-53307697786966632012012-01-15T21:52:00.000-08:002012-01-15T21:52:17.454-08:00Life StrugglesI have been going through a writing drought. It is not so much that I can't write. It's more that I want my heart and attitude to be pleasing to the Lord before I write. I have been struggling to let go of some things. It is like if I let them go that it means they never happened and that the whole struggle was meaningless. I know that makes very little sense. One of the difficulties of finding the joy of the Lord and being able to let go of past events and sorrows, at least for me, is that I don't want to give up my hurts, sorrows, struggles. I sometimes nurse them, think about how rough its been. In order to receive joy I have to be willing to let go of all of that and get God's perspective. The past couple weeks I have been working on forgiveness. Every time I catch myself nursing a past hurt or offense I have been stopping and forgiving whoever it was that hurt me. If I catch myself reliving a partcularly bad part of my life I have been consciously stopping and thanking God for whatever good He is working through that circumstance. When I find myself discouraged and depressed by what I see is a struggle in my present circumstances I am stopping to thank God for leading me and asking Him to make things clear in His time. When someone in the present is bugging me in the present I stop to pray God's blessing on them and ask God in the moment to help me see them as He does. I really hate it. I really would like to sometimes just wallow in some self pity. I think I've shared before how prone to it I am. It is such a temptation to live in past disappointments. You think it will guard you against future pain but instead you live in constant pain. I can tell you my plan is working. I feel free when I forgive people. I feel joy when I give up a past hurt. I love better when I pray for others. I hope it soon comes naturally to me. I hope that one day I won't desire to feel sorry for myself. Until that happens I will take the steps I can to discipline my way into the joy of the Lord. I should want that joy more than anything. Someday I know that I will.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-28935984200839294172011-12-22T17:11:00.000-08:002011-12-22T17:11:07.111-08:00Men, Shopping, and Check-out LinesThe men are out. I mean in the stores. You know, shopping. I know this because I went shopping myself today which was relatively stupid and hazardous. Men shop differently than women do. I overheard one conversation between a man and probably his ex-wife on the telephone. The man wanted to know what to get the kids and he was a bit impatient. "What do you mean by coloring stuff? What is coloring stuff anyway?" and "It's not like it's early or anything. There isn't much left. Just tell me something I can grab." I observed one man grabbing several pillow pets telling his friend, "These will work. Who doesn't want a pillow?" Still others were grabbing perfume sets, bath sets, and scarves. And I mean grabbing. I know I am stereotyping but I didn't see a whole lot of time and care taken. They were men on a mission. For some reason seeing them brightened my day. I know most men don't love shopping and most women do. I say most because I hate shopping and I have met men who love it. But what I love is that they do it anyway. It may be annoying and they may hate it and for all I know what they bought might have been inappropriate or wonderful, hard to say, but they do it. I still remember the snow cone maker that Bill got me. Totally not my idea of a gift and I let him know it but to this day it stands out and it is a memory. It is only when we give nothing that we receive nothing. A memory of a dad or husband trying is better than a memory of a dad or husband giving up or not caring. So it was good to see all those men in the stores. And all of the women. And I don't mind that every person ahead of me in line had an item that would not ring up...or that it took forever to find out how to ring up a bath scrubby thing...or that I spent almost as much time in line as I did in the store. I don't mind because I think it's the checker who is going to go crazy. He had to stay and I got to leave. Merry last few days of shopping to all!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-69322801474438918172011-11-28T20:40:00.000-08:002011-11-28T20:40:35.978-08:00Holiday Hallmark RedemptionI live in a house with three other adult women and it is amazing that nobody has been arrested for assault as of yet. We all have quirks and drive each other completely crazy and Thanksgiving was no exception. Thursday went great. We decorated the house, ate pretty good food, and watched cheesy parades, Christmas specials, and a little football. It was a holiday so we treated each other well. But it was a long weekend and soon we started driving each other crazy. And I think I am probably the most crazy of all. It's like all of those cheesy holiday movies. You know...how they are all, in one way or another about redemption. You may be watching it for the cheesy love story but there is always a good dose of redemption in all of the good ones. That is because we are all so full of hunger and longing for redemption. When I met Jesus I was completely redeemed...and nothing will change that. But I am still in need of and long for redemption...Just like how as the weekend got longer we found ourselves finding it more difficult to be kind to each other. How we are all bound up in this living of our lives as redeemed in a world that is not. For example, I struggle to get over the past...to rid myself of habits I know are wrong. There are events in my life that still don't make sense and people I am still working to forgive. I fight this fog of sorrow that surrounds me...knowing that I should have the joy of the Lord... I need redemption...from the habits that plague my life...from the sin that so easily weighs me down...from past sorrows I need to forgive...for my lack of trust in what God has for me and my disappointment that the plans I had made for my life will never be. And my kids are no different. They need and long for their own redemption...because life never gets tied up as neatly as a Hallmark movie...but that is why I love those movies. They give me hope and remind me that God Himself will wipe away all of the tears from my eyes one day and I will rest in the place He has prepared especially for me. Until that day it is a struggle...there are moments of joy and times of intense sorrow...but God is present with me. There are moments, when living in a household consisting of four adult women that I long for escape and think that I am the only sane person in the house...only to realize that it is me that is not only part of the problem, but most of it. God always puts us in the best situation for redemption and this is where He has me. Soon we will be adding a baby to the mix and I can only imagine the lessons we will all learn! Redemption is both a one time deal and a lifetime learning experience. I just sometimes wish my life would more resemble a cheesy Christmas movie and not a string of energizer bunny struggles that just keep going and going and going. But there is coming a day...soon.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-73731629448830802402011-11-08T22:39:00.000-08:002011-11-08T22:39:50.494-08:00Giving my all...and then someI have been thinking alot about this past weeks sermon. As has happened quite frequently lately there was much in it that God wanted to speak to me about. Pastor Sean talked about giving our all and then some, how good enough is never good enough and half efforts end in death. Sometimes I "do" a lot but still don't give my all. This past period of time in my life has been hard, disappointing, difficult to reconcile with what I wanted for my life. Sometimes hard to see God in. God has tested me in the deepest parts of my life, tested whether I honestly believe that He is enough, tested me to see if I will trust Him, even with all of my regrets. And to be honest, it's been hard. Sometimes the stuff I do is because I have no idea what I would do or who I would be if I wasn't busy. It isn't that I don't want or love serving God. I do love it. But I have noticed that there have been times lately when I am irritable, when I am so weighed down with what I have done wrong in my life that I cannot see beyond that. When I am so full of regrets that I cannot enjoy the present or see God in it. There are parts of my life that I cannot see any good resulting from and parts that I struggle to trust God to make a difference in. And that is where I am not giving my all and then some. I can "do" lots of things but God cares more about relationship than all of the stuff I do or anything I can give Him. In the "doing" of serving God all is well, in the "doing" part of relationship - praying, reading the Word, all is well, but I need to start giving my all in the "trusting," in the believing that He will take all of the disappointments, all of the sorrow, all of my regrets, all of my failures...that He will make them part of the beauty He is creating out of us who call on His name. I love Him so much. I want to give all of my all and then some, and then more besides.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-24732852535797421662011-10-14T14:45:00.000-07:002011-10-14T14:45:46.286-07:00Thoughts on the Road<div style="text-align: center;">"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">"Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well." Thessalonians 2:8</div> <br />
I have been a bit discouraged of late. I so long to see people catch the vision and reality that we were born to serve the Lord and to connect people to Him. I long to see people saved and lining up to come to church, serve their neighbors, and love those around them. I am so spoiled. I get to serve God in the best possible place and work for the best possible people. I am of all people most blessed and so much of the time I am so caught up in my "life" that I fail to appreciate it. Today as I was in the car I felt suddenly moved to turn the radio off and concentrate on praying for everyone who came to mind. And it hit me as it so often does when I quiet the Cyndi and listen to God that I need to pray...so much more constantly and with much more urgency than I have been. I have felt the urgency of late, felt the deep longing for others to see the God I love and serve, but I have still been living life in the normal. I can't do the same things all of the time and expect different results. I have to get more serious, allow the Holy Spirit more access to my schedule, allow myself to be moved, and be open to any change. I have allowed myself to think small; I have not believed that God will make a way in this wasteland of life. I often believe I have given my life but there is so much of my "life" that I cling to and keep. I have allowed myself to believe in being "good enough" when God wants greater. I so long for all of you to know that God is the most important relationship in your life and that His work is the greatest work that You will ever do. I hope this urgency grows in me. I hope it is not some passing moment. I do not want to be content to live my life as I always have but to love more, give more, serve more, and grow more in Him. I want to live my life every day expecting that people are going to come to Christ, what I do will make a difference, and that God never stops saving and growing His people.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-29969361616520220642011-10-13T18:25:00.000-07:002011-10-13T18:25:02.882-07:00Twitter VentingThere is so much I miss about my husband that if I would have been asked to make a list would not have come to mind. Besides strong hugs (if I hug you a little too hard when I see you please don't run away!), I miss venting. I miss how Bill listened to me, all those little things that nobody else (trust me) wants to hear. There are many things that I just don't want to talk to my kids about (half the time I am venting about them). I know I can tell God (and I do) but I miss the human interaction. I tried twittering my frustrations but that has its problems. I thought it was safe since most people I know don't twitter, but my boss does and since I am mostly either frustrated about my kids or it is work related (I have very little life), that didn't work very well. And it didn't have that human interaction thing going very well either. I knew Facebook would not work. I mean, most of what I vent is just that, venting. It is usually my problem or isn't meant to be public. I mean, when Bill came home from work I would just hit him with all of the stuff that went on in the day and all of the stuff that was bugging me or I was struggling with. All those things nobody wants to hear. But he would listen. It used to bug me that he had no answers. But he listened. And I listened to him. And I miss that. I tell God everything and I know He loves me and He listens. But today I thanked Him for a husband who listened to me vent. If you have someone who listens to you when you are upset or struggling or have just had a bad day tell them thank you. I wish I had.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-52685873181242136182011-10-12T15:56:00.000-07:002011-10-12T15:56:29.620-07:00Meditations and ThoughtsOn Monday, while I was praying before leaving for the day, I thought of the verse from Psalm 19, verse 14 , "Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable Oh Lord." I thought God was reminding me to be careful when I speak, something which I am trying to learn but still need to work on, so I put it into my prayer. God often uses speaking His Word aloud to get my attention. This time, as I spoke those words I realized it was the second part that God wanted to speak into my life. You see, I often let my heart and mind dwell on past hurts and offenses, frustrations, trials that I am going through, and other negativity. As I spoke the words aloud they hit me like a ton of bricks and they have been my meditation all week. You see, I don't think I move forward very well or grow as I should when I am negative. I don't think it much matters how much I read my Bible or pray or fast or do great works if my mind dwells on the past and on the negative. As God often does I have been tested in my resolve to put this Word into practice. The negatives of life have attacked and I have been sorely tempted to sink into them but I will not. I will not. When I feel myself slipping I repent and pray about whatever is causing me to want to sink. I picture God being powerful in situations that I feel are hopeless. I believe that He is changing lives that I feel will never change. There is a power in our thoughts that I have been guilty of minimizing. Our thoughts can strengthen our image our relationship with and our image of or they can diminish them. It is our choice what we dwell on. Let us choose that which is acceptable to God and life-giving to us.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-88816733060986934732011-10-01T18:43:00.000-07:002011-10-01T18:43:20.004-07:00Random Thoughts<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><strong><span style="font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">Sometimes my mind runs so fast and with so many subjects that it is hard to focus on just one. This post is just a mental download of thoughts that have been streaming through my head of late. They reflect my recent experiences and are a picture of what God does with all the stuff that happens with us each week. What has been running through your mind? These are some of the things that have been running through mine.</span></strong></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I love my girls, each one, ones that are mine by birth and the ones God gave me as gifts. I struggle in my prayers for them, knowing that if they do not seek God alone they will be enormously disappointed by life but so wanting them to skip pain and struggle and heartache. I want them to get what God wants them to get without having to go through the lessons. Not possible, I know.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lately I have been wondering where the good in certain things are. God promises us that good will come out of all the stuff we have gone through if we are His and I have been pondering that. Some things don’t seem as though they can contain good or bring it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sushi is so much more than raw fish. I liked it and am already trying to figure out how I can get out for some more. Not something my girls will be into that is for certain.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I read today that 70% of pastors constantly fight depression. 50% are so discouraged they want to leave the ministry. 80% believe that ministry negatively affects their family. I pray multiple times daily for the pastor’s at my church. As you pray for your pastor, make sure you are in the battle with him and that you are for him. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Housework has taken last place on my to-do list for awhile. So glad my girls have taken up the slack.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why is it that the change of seasons makes me feel like I need to buy new clothes? Or preferably a new purse?<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Speaking of the change of seasons, I am dreading having to build fires in the woodstove. I was never good at it.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I want so much to do what God wants and every day I start out thinking that today I will get it right; my flesh will not creep in, I won’t eat too much, criticize, call myself names, feel sorry for myself…and then…oh well – the righteous fail and get right back up and so will I.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I will never ever not need God’s mercy.</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Even when I get it right my motives are often self-seeking and prideful. Which shows me how seldom I get anything completely right. God has to use my imperfect offerings because I so seldom offer Him anything else.</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Inspiration comes from the most unusual places. I got lost in a mall (I know that sounds crazy) this week and it has inspired me to see the lost in a whole new way. I have been praying more and asking God how I can better represent Him. Almost everyone you see is lost. Being lost is scary. Jesus came to seek and save the lost and his chosen vehicle is me. Have known that but seeing it more clearly. </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Want to love more and love better. Especially at home. Especially at church. Especially the ones that are hard to love. Especially when I am with unbelievers. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7179336486863138436.post-32772197596220418652011-09-20T20:01:00.000-07:002011-09-20T20:01:09.772-07:00A Tire StoryI haven't posted in awhile but trust me, I have been in such a place you would not want to have heard from me. But today was a red letter day. I knew things were looking up when I had a visit from my favorite kids at the office. They always lift my spirits! A trip to Leavenworth the day before had also brightened my mood. That joy was temporarily threatened when I went out to my car and noticed that my tire was low. Now, don't laugh at me! I know it's a small thing but I have never put air in my tires! Thats right, NEVER! This one tire has been getting low about every five days and I have been sending my kids and anyone around to go and air it up. I know I need to visit Les Schwab but have put it off. When I saw the tire today I knew I was in trouble. No kids around. No time to visit Les Schwab until Friday. I knew that it was up to me. So I dug up quarters, went to the gas station, got down on the ground, and aired up that tire. Felt pretty good! You see, it is those small things like airing up the tire that make me feel most abandoned since Bill has died. Now, my kids have been fabulous at helping me with all of the things that I have never done. But it is those very things that you don't know how to do that make you feel alone and I have spent a week feeling alone and abandoned. There is something about having a week of nothing but struggle and no one to share it with. A week of feeling crazy and mad for no good reason. A week of air being out of tires, and ants that won't go away, and making my children miserable. A week of feeling old and like my life is all behind me. A week of feeling like I have lost the voice of God and it will never return. I won't pretend that I am all better. I am still feeling shaky and on the verge of losing it but in the past couple days it has definitely been better. God was with me today and we aired up my tire!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0