Sick Day

I've been struggling with disappointment lately. It is a hard thing to admit as I try to not have expectations. Expectations of anything except what God has promised only lead to disappointment. I thought today of the many times I have disappointed others and myself, when I have failed to meet the standards that seem basic to me. But that's the point. We cannot meet the mark without God and His Spirit. It is the Spirit of God that commends us. It is the Spirit of God that works good in us. All of our righteousness is dirty. I think of it this way. With my own efforts I may have a good day or two, maybe even three, but then I will blow it and blow it badly. Someone will act in a way I don't like; I will be tempted by that bag of chocolate in the pantry; I won't feel like reading God's word. Sound familiar? It happens so often. I cannot live the way God desires and the way I desire without the Spirit of God. I cannot have the Spirit of God unless I choose to follow His leading. He's always there but I have to choose to yield to Him. Today I was sick. I hate being sick or even admitting I am sick but I am. I did not feel like doing anything so most of the day I didn't but later today I got tired of accomplishing nothing and did a few minor chores. That is how it is when I ignore the Spirit. It is like feeling sick. Eventually I get tired of it and get my heart right and step back into the battle. I am a soldier and when I do not appropriate the Spirit it is like being sick and losing my armor. I fall and the enemy gets control. I put expectations on people who fail me instead of keeping my eyes on Christ and letting Him be enough. I feel the full weight of life's burden instead of letting Christ carry it. I don't like being sick physically or spiritually. The physical will run its course but I need to change direction purposefully to become spiritually healthy. I am thankful the mercies of God take only a moment to receive and are always available to us.