Monday, December 13, 2010
Let Him be Lord. It is the hearts cry of every believer that yearns for Christ, that is looking towards eternity and drawing near to Him who loves us so. It is so hard not to cling to this life and these people who surround us. So hard to keep our eyes on Him who holds our life and the life of those around us. Tonight was pure silliness at our home. We laughed at crazy stuff found on the internet and probably at things that weren't near as funny as we pretended they were. It was a laugh needed after a day of feeling anxiety and I am so glad God knew it and let my household of young adults loose. Between scenes of "epic fail",multiple drug references (guess who),poetry readings, and the joy of watching "SingOff" we had a light evening. The trouble is I don't live in a light world and you don't either. It is hard and our own and others pain weighs heavy. Sometimes I forget that I cannot fix the human heart; I can be rather arrogant that way. I so long for people to be set free, to know the joy of the Lord in the midst of every circumstance. But I cannot soothe my own grief and pain let alone someone elses. Until I allow myself to be filled completely with God’s love, trusting Him in the details that I cannot work out, I will be searching for this elusive contentment elsewhere – resulting in an empty heart that is full of anxiety and distress. You see, it is not my circumstances that dictate my joy and contentment; it is the state of my heart and too often I do not rest in Him and Let Him be Lord. I don't want to hurt and I don't want to grieve. And I don't want anyone else to either. I don't want to go through separations. I don't want marriages to fail. I don't want children to suffer in any way. I don't want to live in a world with no answers. No one would learn a lesson in suffering from me because I hate it. When I was younger I used to long to take away the punishment of my brothers and sisters because I could not bear it. Letting God be God sometimes drives me crazy. When it seems I wait for years to see the purpose and good in painful circumstances I go a little nuts. But then I look backwards, way backwards, and I see; sometimes it is only a few things but I do see. God does work for good. Lives are transformed. There is healing. I have seen marriages healed and I have seen prodigal children turn around and walk zealously after God. And I realize I don't want to just Let God be God; I deeply desire God to be God; I want Him to continue this "long slow walk" to eternity in my life. I want to be used and grown and stretched along the way. This past weekend I remarked that I was tired of learning lessons but I am not. I am tired, perhaps of the pain but so glad for the personal work of God in me. Let God be God.
Posted by Random Thoughts at 11:12 PM