Thursday, August 26, 2010

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

I have been reading a book named "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years," by Donald Miller. Mr. Miller and I didn't get off to the best start the first time I read him. I am one of the few that did not care for "Blue Like Jazz." In fact, it got me quite riled up and while I recommended it to others to read because it causes you to think, the book made me angry also, leaving me conflicted and not anxious to pick up another of his books. A friend recommended this one, a friend that I trust, so I managed to borrow it and read it this week. I must say that I liked this book much better than the first. I still feel like he and I  would butt heads quite a little if we met, which can be fun, I loved the concept of this book and it got me thinking. Donald talks about the importance of the story of your life and the book challenged me to look at the story I am living. It moved me to tears in a couple spots because I can see how I have wasted so much of my story and I see how little I have left to write. Don talks about how every story has conflict that has to be overcomed to make the story worthwhile. He talks about how, for a story to "work", one must overcome fear and I liked what he said about fear. He said that overcoming fear is about being afraid and walking through it anyway and how so often we think of fear as self protective when it is actually a major distraction and is highly destructive. Fear keeps us from living our best story. It takes awhile to get into the book, but is worth the effort. It left me determined to write my "story" with much more thought and deliberation and to work hard to overcome some obstacles that have kept me back for so many years. I have decided not to wallow in what I have missed in my story but to instead to walk forward with deliberate thought with the time I have left. I have always been fascinated by the "story" of others lives and have enjoyed the beauty of others ideas. Now I see the need of being purposeful of the "story" my life is writing and telling. It will either bring glory to God or be just a waste of space and time. I know what I want it to be but that will not come by accident. We are each writing a "story" with the time God gives us and while mine may not translate into a book or movie, I hope it will make a difference.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


It is a mistaken notion that a life does not count unless one goes to Bible College or becomes a minister or Christian worker. It is a mistaken notion that most of the work that God desires to have done happens within the four walls of a church. What makes a life not count is when we fail to give our life fully to Him. What makes a life not count is when we fail to live for Him in whatever we are doing. What makes a life not count is when we fail to proclaim God in and through whatever we do in our lives. What makes a life not count is when we fail to tell others about the hope that lies within us. Don't get me wrong. I thank God for those who give their lives as ministers. I learn so much from them and from their example. I need them and so do you. But God never meant all of us to be them. Don't get me wrong; I am so grateful that some of my kids got the privilege of going to Bible College. They are richer for it and I do recommend it, but it is not necessary. But what God asks, and He does ask for this, is that we give our lives to Him and spend our lives for Him. Whatever He asks, I will do. Wherever He leads, I will go. To find out what He asks and to know where He leads I will ask and I will look to see what He is doing and then I will join in whatever that is. Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Ephesians 5:17-19. My life is not my own, I have been bought with a price and it is my privilege to give that life to Him.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary. A few months ago I joked that I soon would be married longer than I had been alive! I have always hated birthdays and the passage of time in general. Today I found myself pondering what I was grateful for in my marriage. If I asked Bill to vacuum the carpets I knew I would come home and they would be vacuumed. Of course he might leave every dish in the sink dirty, but the carpet would be beautifully vacuumed. Every night when Bill got home he would make me iced tea. I used to tell him that he made the best iced tea (true) and so he would come home and immediately make it. Every Tuesday morning we went out for breakfast. It was a given. With our schedules it was necessary or we would fail to touch base for weeks. We would talk about how Bill felt the book of James shouldn't be in the Bible, while James is one of my favorite books and about music he liked or things we had read. Bill was a great person to travel with. The journey was always as important as the destination and he did not care how many rest areas I needed to stop at.  As in all relationships, ours was not without difficulty, in fact we had faced some very troubled waters even in recent years. I was grateful for what Pastor Sean shared at the memorial service, that Bill had recovered from  difficulty. So many people live their entire lives without facing themselves, not seeing who they are. It is only in facing who we are that we can repent and recover and I am so grateful that Bill had faced himself and gave everything to God. On a day like this you think a lot about regrets. I wish I had been better, more patient, less selfish. I thought today about how you will never regret the forgivness and mercy you extend to your spouse. You will never regret letting go of small things. You will never regret working through big things. You will never regret trusting God with your life and marriage. All things considered, and there are so many things to consider, I feel so honored to have been married to Bill and to walk through his stuff as he walked through mine. It was a hard day today. I could tell it was hard because I cleaned the office. I always clean when I am restless. But I got through it. I miss my husband and these days just seem to emphasize that he is gone but God is with me and stays so close. It is good.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

On Writing

I have had a hard time writing anything lately. Everything I have thought about lately has seemed empty and I have struggled to feel like myself. I decided today that I need the discipline of putting my thoughts down and maybe if I do that part of me that is struggling will figure itself out. Writing has always been a way that I put order in my chaos and sanity to some of my insanity. It is a way to have a voice. I think that is why there are so many blogs and why they are good things. I have heard about how nacissistic they are and that is true to an extent,  but it can be a wonderful thing to write what God shows you and what you have been thinking. It is another way of connection with each other, another way to share and grow. I love to read what others write and visit many blogs each week. I follow several blogs that I never have left a comment on which is sad. I will fix that. I learn and grow from the wisdom of others and from what God is showing others. I intend to get back to the business of writing this week even if some of my writing is disjointed and a little sad for awhile. It does me good. I think I will quit worrying whether what I write sounds too dark or whether my family will worry about me if I write what is on my heart. Writing is one of the ways God works in me so I will keep at it