Sunday, January 30, 2011


Every once in a while I have a down day but the last couple weeks it seems that they have been on the increase. I  have been struggling with something that I don't usually struggle with. I usually feel  positive about life and lately I have felt edgy and discouraged. While there are some reasons for this (reasons are unimportant), I hate it! Today was another one of those days. I didn't even want to go to church which is almost unheard of with me. Thankfully church is not optional at our house and I followed my own rules. What a wonderful morning! It didn't start our too promising. I started to raise my hands during a worship song and hit Olivia in the face. (I have been laughed at much of the day) But the service was wonderful and I felt a little better by the time it was over. I have lunch with a bunch of the worship team and my kids after service each week. We got crazy and I laughed really hard. It has been a long time since I laughed so long and so hard and it was like medicine to my soul. It was a prescription straight from God and those kids were sent from Him. They are the high point of my week on most weeks but today they ministered to me. Sometimes I feel very alone and today I felt very much loved and cared for. I am so grateful for God's gifts. Who would think that crazy laughter would do a body so much good? God is good. While He lets us walk in the darkness sometimes, His light shines in often enough to keep us on track and to keep us moving forward toward Him. I still have some things to work out but I am confident I am getting there and that I am not alone in the journey.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Thoughts on a Sunday

I have been thinking much about idolatry. This morning’s sermon included a verse I have been thinking about all week. “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” Jonah 2:8 I am so much in need of grace. Too often, when the shadows clear and in the brief moment that I see clearly I shrink at my own sinfulness. I am an idolater. Too often I have tried to localize God; tried to put Him into a box that I desire Him to fit instead of seeing and worshipping Him in truth. I have often sought to domesticate God; tried to believe that I somehow do something for God in my worship of Him, forgetting that He is complete in Himself. I distance myself from God when I blame Him for not doing what I desire Him to do and for “failing” to answer my prayers in the way I see fit. I forget in the moment that He is “all knowing, ever present God” and it is not for the creation to order the Creator. I also fill my time with that which is temporal and useless; spending so many moments on self and away from Him. Yes, I am an idolater and this morning I felt it. I always say that I love it when a message challenges me but this morning I just felt discouraged. It cannot be said that I have been unaware of my idolatry as on many occasions I feel uneasy and know that I am missing the mark. I am so thankful for the Grace of God   but wonder how often that Grace should apply to one who has walked for so long. Will I ever get to a place where I fully walk with and please the God I love? I think therein lies the discouragement. “I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the Mountains I can’t climb.” It feels impossible but I again give myself to Him, amazed that He never rejects me. I will cast off the idols once again that so easily ensnare me and continue my daily walk, praying that He will finish the work He has started in me.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Out of Nowhere

It happened at the intersection by the Red Apple by where I live but it could have been everywhere. Sitting at a red light in my car I thought, "I don't want to do this anymore." We all have those thoughts sometimes. They can come out of nowhere. This day had been pleasant enough. I finished my project of the week and felt good about actually being done on time for once. The people I work with are great and it had been a nice quiet day to get things done, although I like the noisy days also. I had enjoyed Mop's this morning and my brother and his wife were bringing me dinner tonight and he is the best cook I know. In otherwords it was a good day. I sat an extra few seconds after the light turned green, a bit frozen in this thought I was having. By this time I was crying a little and feeling overwhelmed and wondering where all this emotion was coming from. After I turned the corner I quickly asked God to take this mood from me, whatever it was and wherever it was coming from and He did. Almost instantaneously. And He reminded me that I have been through a lot in a short period of time; that He knows and cares; and that He has purpose for me, even when I doubt it. I don't know if you are having one of those days or years but I want to remind you that God does have purpose for every circumstance you are going through and that He knows and cares and is always with you. Sometimes I forget and feel a little alone. It is then He comes and reminds me and that makes all the difference.