A Rainy Saturday

I love waking up on Saturday morning to the sound of rain and a cup of tea. It seems right. I guess western Washington is a good place for me to live. Anyway, I was continuing to read Jeremiah and was struck at how brutal life was during those days and at the stubborness of the people. I live on a fairly calm little island here; while I may not like some decisions of government here, it is fairly stable and there is no warring king trying to take over. I have never been exiled to a foreign land. I have not seen the mass slaughter of people I love. That does not mean that those things do not exist in my world. Jeremiah faithfully gave the word that God gave Him to a stubborn people who did not listen to him. He was put in prison and attempts were made on his life. I know that people knew he spoke the truth because he was approached by them to hear what God told him. People would listen and then disobey. I was thinking we are often like that. We hear God's word faithfully preached on Sunday, we enjoy hearing it, we know it is true; then we go live our own lives during the week. It is no wonder that in the 2,000 plus years since Christ there are still people waiting to hear the gospel, there are still captives awaiting their freedom, there are still poor waiting to be fed with both bread and the good news. I am not doing my job. Today I am going to leave my quiet home and go buy gifts to put in shoeboxes to send to poor children. It is a very small thing and it occurs to me that I need to find a concrete way to remember the poor and oppressed every day and not just at Christmas. I will be working on that this year. I guess I want to challenge us to hear the word of the Lord, to obey that word and mission that He has given us, to "lose" our lives in order to look at the world around us. It will take deliberte eyes to see what God wants us to see and deliberate motion to do what He wants us to do. I don't believe, however, that there is anything greater than the peace that comes with the obedient life.

Thoughts on Prayer

I thought I was going to move next week but now I have to wait. How long I don't know. We had found a house we loved and now I'm not sure it will still be available. I was disappointed. Very disappointed. It made me a little crazy in fact. It has taken a few hours to get back to trust. You see, I like to be in control. I never thought I was one of those control people but it turns out I am. I was analyzing my prayers and could see that I really enjoy trying to help God run the universe. I have great ideas about how I think things should go. The bad thing is that I have quit believing in prayer sometimes. I mean, I do believe God does things and that He works through prayer, it's just that I have so often used my prayer life to give God input into how He should run things I have lost the ability to pray in faith. Too often I pray my list and hardly pause to consider what God actually wants me to be praying about in faith and I expect nothing because when I pray in the flesh I don't get much. God is so faithful. He often answers my prayers but I want more. My Pastor challenged me in his sermon this past Sunday to pray in faith, believing, and to see answers to prayer. Do I really let God be in charge and come boldly to Him? I don't know. I went to the prayer room for awhile to sort it out. I told God how tired I was and how so often I feel like I am trying to carry the burdens instead of unload the burdens. I asked Him to show me the difference. I ask Him now to help me understand how to come boldly to the throne of grace and find that help He offers us, and only He can give, in time of need. It may have been a delayed move that prompted me but this need has been here a long time. I need Him. I need His power, His strength, and I need answers to my prayers. I need to quit praying the list and start praying my burdens and my heart. I want to see answers, transformation, miracles, and lots of other little things. I need to grow close to my beloved Savior and be willing to fall upon Him without reserve, without being cautious and doubting. He has given me His word so that I know His will. Do I live as though I trust Him to give me those things that are His will. It is that I am falling short in. It is that which I seek.

A Long Journey

I was reading in Jeremiah this week. (I've come to Jeremiah in my Bible reading. I probably would not ever get to it if I didn't read in a somewhat organized fashion which is why I recomend reading in an organized fashion!) In chapter 20 Jeremiah laments the fact that he has ever been born. He is sent to tell God's word to a people who won't listen to him. He is persecuted and hated and weary of being negative. Right in the middle of all his complaining Jeremiah says " But if I say,"I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name," Then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; And I am weary of holding it in And I cannot endure it." verse 9. I love this verse because I get it. Sometimes it is hard to go through life and we want to quit. It makes no sense because God is the very best part of me, He is everything and all and I know He was to Jeremiah also but it still remains that sometimes it seems like it would be easier to just quit. I say "it seems like" because it would in fact be much more difficult. If I quit I would be alone, maybe surrounded by people but still alone. If I quit I love my Savior and I so need salvation. I needed it when I accepted Christ and I still need it everyday. If I quit I lose my life for Paul was right when he said that to live is Christ and to die is gain. I can't quit. In reality I don't want to. What happens is that I lose heart and I don't think that what I do matters or makes any kind of difference. I lose faith that God is working and that His purpose for me. I am pretty sure that is what Jeremiah felt because no one was listening to him or responding. In fact life seemed to get worse for Jeremiah all the time instead of better. He forgot, as I do that we don't always see all that is going on, he forgot that what matters to God is our obedience, not the results of that obedience, and he forgot that so much of ministry requires time and patience. I often forget, I forget when my life seems more difficult instead of less difficult. I forget when it seems I mess things up more than I help. I forget because so often I feel that the strongholds of my life will never be gone. I forget because I long for an easier time. But God is faithful to help me, remind me. Like Jeremiah, I have God's word and the testimony of what God has done in years past. I am surrounded by His faithful witnesses today. I have to say that I am ashamed of how wimpy I am, how easily I get discouraged. What I go through is small compared to Jeremiah. I can't imagine ministering for years faithfully with no response at all. God's word was like a burning fire in him and I relate to that. God is always in my heart and on my mind. Even in those moments of feeling tired he is there and I cannot get away from it. After Jeremiah said those words he continued his complaint. And that is me. I can complain about the futility of serving God while still feeling Him and His words burning inside me. I can both be tired of this life and longing to serve Him better at the same time. Life is an oxymoron of feelings and faith can be hard to hold onto and even more difficult to pass on. It is wearying work and a light burden all at the same moment. I labor each day to enter into His rest and one day I will live in His rest. Life is good, because of God.

Gifts and Talents

I often say that I cannot draw stick people. That is a reference to my totally non-artistic hands and mind. It amazed me that one set of hands can create beauty while another set of hands that seem so nearly like the other are fumbly (is that a word? i kind of like it). One person can solve all kinds of upper math problems while I am best at simple math on a simple calculator. Another can create music while some of us can barely carry a tune. Why is this? I know it is because of my Father God. He creates us each uniquely and individually and while it may seem that it is because of genetics that is only part of the equation. I have seen singers in non-musical families and artists come from non-artistic backgrounds. While it is true that God often works through genetics, He is certainly not bound by them! Creation is part of His nature and being and He does it all perfectly and looks back on it and sees that it is good. I will praise Him because I am fearfully and wonderfully made! He knew me before I did and has gifted me for the task that is mine. Too often we waste the talent God gives us either by denying that we have talent, envying the talent that is anothers, or by using them for our own benefit and not seeing God as the author of them. For years I denied that I had any talent at all and envied those around me, dreaming of how God could use me if I could only sing or paint or speak. In other words I wasted what I had by desiring what I didn't. While it may be arrogance to boast about one's talent, it is not humility to deny you have any talent. God has given each of us at least one gifting and that gifting coupled with a passion for God can turn this world to Christ and bring glory to God. I know I need to see this more. Too often I don't think what I do or don't do matters, but it does. God says that He has created us for good works that He planned beforehand. It is my job to cooperate in those works and yours too. His plan is not about us getting ahead or getting period, it is about us being and drawing. Being His children and drawing others to Him. Turn your life, your heart, your hopes, your talents, and your eyes to Him and I know we'll be amazed at what He does with them. I think I will leave the stick people to others! God knows best.

Saturday thoughts

Tomorrow is Sunday and I should probably be sleeping right now. Somehow sleeping isn't working. Today was an odd day. I had pulled a muscle on my side a couple days ago so was spending a day resting. I don't really like resting. I am a person who likes a purpose to my day and just trying to sit calmly is difficult. I didn't even have a new book to read so it was hard. Instead of drawing close to God I felt sort of in a panic much of the day. When you are going through a hard time panic can sneak up on you. I had been feeling pretty good this week, thinking all was heading in a good direction but today I didn't feel so sure. I felt almost frightened and I didn't like it. What if the worst happens? I have a friend at church named Terrianne. She has some disabilities from an accident and often says just what is on her mind. You know, those things that we think but never say! This week she was talking about prayer to me and suddenly said that sometimes she doesn't even know why she prays since it never seems to work and God doesn't seem to want to answer her. I am tempted by those same feelings at times. Life seems to be endless and full of trouble. Of course there are moments of joy and the blessings God gives us. I don't want it to sound like everything is horrible but today was a hard day. Terrianne is a wonderful woman of God and I know she was only voicing her frustrations. Her life is very hard and I know she tires of struggle. I bet there are lots of Terriannes out there, tired of the daily struggle, tired of trials that you have no control over, didn't cause, and certainly did not ask for. I know I feel that way. But then I hear it.... the still small voice of God and I feel it.....the gentle breeze of the Spirit. It is then that I am calmed, that I know, I can trust Him, even if things are hard and don't go the way I want them to. He is here, He has not left me and He won't. He walks beside me even in these hard circumstances and He will not drop me. It is then I get refocused, turn the TV off, read the word, listen to sweet songs on my ipod and write this.....and I feel better. Life wasn't any harder this day than yesterday but I got a little off track and had to get back on. Walk on my friends, get your focus back, worship the King, spread His Good News, rest in the knowledge that you are His Beloved.

Struggles

Nothing to me is more precious than my salvation and nothing more real in my life than my relationship with God. I get frustrated, however, in trying to pass on that reality in my life and in trying to communicate this truth. I struggle as I share what I know to be truth with both believers and unbelievers. Believers, you might ask, why do I need to share this truth to believers? I am increasingly frustrated by the lack of passion and focus by those who are my brothers and sisters in the Lord. I am also frustrated in my attempts to share my love of Christ with my Life Trek group. I know what we all need. I know what the answer to my attempts to share Christ and the lack of focus and passion for God. I know what I need, what we all need. We need the Spirit's breath in our lives. I need, we need, to seek after that Spirit as though life depends on it because it does. I may have that life. I have been transferred from darkness but not all have. I need the Spirit for my own life as well. I feel myself struggling to have the joy of the Lord and see myself sinking as I look at the need around me. It causes me to not want to look and to turn aside from seeing and I musn't. I must have the Spirit's joy and presence in my life if I am ever going to be effective. It is the Spirit that draws men, not me. Without the Spirit I am useless. Too often life just feels like a fight but I know that I not what God intended. I don't want to live as though I am beating my head against a wall. Jesus came to set the captives free. He left us the Holy Spirit so we could continue His work, to set the captives free. I see captives all around me, in church and out. I need, we need, God's Spirit so that they can be set free, so that His house can be full, so that "whosoever will" has opportunity to come.

Today's Musings

One of the hardest things about living in America is keeping a sense of reality and perspective about my life. I sleep in a home that is kept warm in the winter. I eat every day, in fact I struggle with overeating. I don't ever remember being really hungry, the kind of hunger that loses hope. I have never felt particularly rich, even though I know I am rich compared to most of the world. I choose to look at those who have more and who are not in debt and compare them to me. I don't compare myself to the poorest of the poor. Most of the time I keep myself sufficiently distracted with my own life that I don't see them. About the only time I focus on the poor is during Operation Christmas Child. I am thinking that is pretty wrong. I am thinking that I have more responsibility than that and I am feeling pretty sad. Today I felt this overwhelming grief. We have an offer on our house and are looking forward to being out of debt. I am finding it a struggle to not be enticed by things as I approach having financial freedom. Like those fancy phones you see ads for. But when I think of the monthly cost of maintaining one I wonder how many children that would feed. At least today I did. Most days I don't and I should. I am not suggesting that we go without buying things. But I think that all of our gadgets and all of our things fail to give us any lasting satisfaction. I am not sure how to get to where I should be in the struggle. I want to think about this clearly and rightly and I am not sure what that will look like. I know that part of bringing the gospel is in caring for those who cannot care for themselves. It is in choosing to see life the way it truly is and not just how it is in my surroundings. It is in realizing the deep suffering that exists and not turning my head but instead looking, seeing, and doing. I hope I can hold this thought and find that spot God wants me to be in, where I join in what He wants to do, set the captives free.