That Monday started out a little differently than a usual Monday. I had been very upset on Sunday about a situation and Bill knew it was eating at me. He got up before I went to work, not his usual habit, and prayed for me before I left. I knew he was out getting his new sunglasses that day so I called him and asked him to bring me lunch. He had a day off as we had a project that needed attention and a couple errands to run. He brought me lunch at 1:30, we visited a few minutes, and by 4:00 I was a widow.
Life can change in a moment. In fact life is filled with ordinary days and life changing moments. I have been overwhelmed by the generosity and love of those around me. God is so very good to me and I will never be able to properly thank those who have loved and cared for me this past week. Yesterday I think it all started to sink in. I missed Bill terribly, sensing deeply for the first time the permanence of his absence. My car broke down and I had a fresh appreciation for all of the things he took care of. I felt a sense of being alone even though I have so much love around me and that is because a part of me has been severed away. It is a wrenching that is hard to describe.
But I know some other things also. There is a bondage in this life that we can never fully be free of until we are free of this flesh. I picture Bill in the presence of God, fully free, filled with a joy that will someday be mine as well and I would never take that from him. But I miss him, and I love him, and it is hard.
Life can change in a moment and it does. God takes us through those moments. He also gives us life beyond those moments. I am learning to navigate a different course. While there is some pain involved I know that God still has plans for me and that I will live. The Lord gives. The Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.