Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Today would have been my 36th wedding anniversary. A few months ago I joked that I soon would be married longer than I had been alive! I have always hated birthdays and the passage of time in general. Today I found myself pondering what I was grateful for in my marriage. If I asked Bill to vacuum the carpets I knew I would come home and they would be vacuumed. Of course he might leave every dish in the sink dirty, but the carpet would be beautifully vacuumed. Every night when Bill got home he would make me iced tea. I used to tell him that he made the best iced tea (true) and so he would come home and immediately make it. Every Tuesday morning we went out for breakfast. It was a given. With our schedules it was necessary or we would fail to touch base for weeks. We would talk about how Bill felt the book of James shouldn't be in the Bible, while James is one of my favorite books and about music he liked or things we had read. Bill was a great person to travel with. The journey was always as important as the destination and he did not care how many rest areas I needed to stop at. As in all relationships, ours was not without difficulty, in fact we had faced some very troubled waters even in recent years. I was grateful for what Pastor Sean shared at the memorial service, that Bill had recovered from difficulty. So many people live their entire lives without facing themselves, not seeing who they are. It is only in facing who we are that we can repent and recover and I am so grateful that Bill had faced himself and gave everything to God. On a day like this you think a lot about regrets. I wish I had been better, more patient, less selfish. I thought today about how you will never regret the forgivness and mercy you extend to your spouse. You will never regret letting go of small things. You will never regret working through big things. You will never regret trusting God with your life and marriage. All things considered, and there are so many things to consider, I feel so honored to have been married to Bill and to walk through his stuff as he walked through mine. It was a hard day today. I could tell it was hard because I cleaned the office. I always clean when I am restless. But I got through it. I miss my husband and these days just seem to emphasize that he is gone but God is with me and stays so close. It is good.
Posted by Random Thoughts at 12:45 AM