Sunday, April 25, 2010
I am taking a Bible Study on Monday mornings, Breaking Free by Beth Moore. I am both loving and hating it. Just like the sermon this morning it reminds me of what I need to be set free of and the enormity of it. One of the biggest and most deceptive giants that I need deliverance from is denial and its companion avoidance. They like to hang around me and they are lousy company. Denial lets me know part of my problem while shielding me from the rest. Pastor Sean told a story about when he was a new believer, how well meaning people would point out what he needed to change about himself. He told the story about wearing a Tasmanian Devil tie and a lady telling him it was a devil tie. That story instantly brought memories of a group of my friends and myself visiting a friends home, he had just gotten saved, maybe a month old in the Lord if that, and we dropped by to "cleanse" his home of the bad stuff, you know beer, "bad" music, etc. That story cut through me. I wanted to apologize to PS because who knows what I would have done if I had met him as a baby Christian. I have believed the lie that I am kind when I am proud, too quick to see the speck when the log is protruding from my eye. It was a hard sermon to listen to. I have the High School group on Wednesdays and wonder if I have painted the wrong picture of God to them. I wondered a lot of things today. I prayed much today. While studying for Bible study for tomorrow the subject was legalism which went well with today's sermon. All I could say to God was, I am so sorry, I am so so sorry. I am. I told God again how deeply I love Him and gave Him permission to root it all out. So hard, but so good. Too often when the small voice of conviction comes on me I stamp it out, I turn on the TV, read a book; I have even picked up the Bible. Sometimes I want to avoid my logs. I would rather concentrate on others specks but no more. I have asked God to show me all, to root out every speck that sparks of legalism, every spot that is less than love, every root of pride that needs to go. I do not doubt that the battle will be lifelong but if we are to reach those around us to Christ we cannot avoid who we really are. Sundays are my favorite day of the week but this one was a hard one.
Posted by Random Thoughts at 9:10 PM