Walking

Psalm 137:1-6
(1)By the waters of Babylon, there we sat down and wept when we remembered Zion.(2) We hung our harpsUpon the willows in the midst of it.(3) For there those who carried us away captive asked of us a song,And those who plundered us requested mirth, Saying, "Sing us one of the songs of Zion!" (4) How shall we sing the LORD's songIn a foreign land?(5) If I forget you, O Jerusalem,Let my right hand forget its skill!(6) If I do not remember you,Let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth? If I do not exalt Jerusalem Above my chief joy.

Sometimes I feel a bit captive and I will be painfully honest. I sometimes feel trapped in a life I would desperately like to have control of and feel is spinning out of control. Normally I am not much of a control freak; I'm pretty laid back and take things as they come but this past year has taken away much of my love of spontaneity and I find myself longing for a much more "normal" existence. I would at least like a clue of what is coming around the next bend but alas I am asked to walk blindly, trusting that the Lord knows what He is doing. Knowing God knows what He is doing is not too difficult actually but trusting myself to cooperate the way He wants me to is scary. Every day it seems I disappoint myself and I'm sure disappoint Him. The answer for me lies in remembering that He is the God who knows the end from the beginning. My slips and stumbles are no great surprise to Him and I trust that my God has built them into the equation of my life. I so long to get it right and to please Him. I struggle with envy at those who seem to have an easier journey, failing to remember that most struggle and pain is kept privately and unseen. I also feel deeply the pain of others going through trials and at times fail to "sing the Lord's song" in this foreign land we journey through. Sometimes these posts of mine seem so dark but I am posting the journey where I am at. I pray that joy will manifest itself also in my journey and have been praying that God will so fill me with His peace and joy that I will more reflect Him instead of reflecting myself. After all, I am His ambassador in the good as well as the hard times. As always He is good and His mercy upholds all of us daily as we walk with Him.