Sunday, January 17, 2010

Daniel Fast Day 7: Not willing to stay the same

Sometimes when I am in church it seems that God talks to me about different things than what the sermon is actually about. We have been fasting for one week now and I have harbored a fear deep inside me. What if I go through the fast and nothing happens in my life? What if God does great things in everyone else and nothing in me. You see I am very unwilling to live my life the way I always have. I want so badly to see and experience the power of God. In fact, I think I would be thrilled if God answered everyone elses prayers except mine. That would still be powerful. But I still want to change. There have been a couple days when I felt free from the bondage of food but then a day like today comes along when I wake up dreaming about bread. I cannot believe the grip food has on me. I also long to see a breakthrough in my group of High Schoolers on Wednesday night. I so want them to believe in God and know that He is good. So many of them have not had much good in their lives and they cannot see a good God. They are afraid that if there is a God He is not good. I know better but I cannot make them see. Only the Spirit of God can do that. There are also things I want in my family, mostly that we would all serve the Lord with passion and not be distracted. I want so much. I long for so much. Sometimes I feel paralyzed and afraid that it will never happen. Faith is believing what we cannot see, hoping for what is not yet. Today I felt certain that God does not want me to be satisfied with the way things are. He wants me to be unwilling to accept anything but His answer. I feel assured that what I am praying for is His will. I also feel assured that part of the answer to my prayers is being unwilling to live like I always have and being willing to risk a life of faith. It is not about performance. It is about commitment. Those of you who are fasting with me, We've made it through a week!! Let's press forward and see what God does.

1 comment:

Lori said...

Your acknowledgement of your fear and your question are good things. We tend to keep those things hidden but it is difficult to work with what we can't see or won't acknowledge. You have voiced it and acknowledged it before the Lord. I think it is when we feel most vulnerable like that, that we begin to decide to make the choice to change or we decide to just accept how it is. Perhaps it is an invitation from God so you can ask Him how he views your question and your fear. It is good to know Cyndi, that God sees your longing and knows because he put them there in your heart. The blessings of questions and of godly fear are so good.