Saturday, October 24, 2009

Saturday thoughts

Tomorrow is Sunday and I should probably be sleeping right now. Somehow sleeping isn't working. Today was an odd day. I had pulled a muscle on my side a couple days ago so was spending a day resting. I don't really like resting. I am a person who likes a purpose to my day and just trying to sit calmly is difficult. I didn't even have a new book to read so it was hard. Instead of drawing close to God I felt sort of in a panic much of the day. When you are going through a hard time panic can sneak up on you. I had been feeling pretty good this week, thinking all was heading in a good direction but today I didn't feel so sure. I felt almost frightened and I didn't like it. What if the worst happens? I have a friend at church named Terrianne. She has some disabilities from an accident and often says just what is on her mind. You know, those things that we think but never say! This week she was talking about prayer to me and suddenly said that sometimes she doesn't even know why she prays since it never seems to work and God doesn't seem to want to answer her. I am tempted by those same feelings at times. Life seems to be endless and full of trouble. Of course there are moments of joy and the blessings God gives us. I don't want it to sound like everything is horrible but today was a hard day. Terrianne is a wonderful woman of God and I know she was only voicing her frustrations. Her life is very hard and I know she tires of struggle. I bet there are lots of Terriannes out there, tired of the daily struggle, tired of trials that you have no control over, didn't cause, and certainly did not ask for. I know I feel that way. But then I hear it.... the still small voice of God and I feel it.....the gentle breeze of the Spirit. It is then that I am calmed, that I know, I can trust Him, even if things are hard and don't go the way I want them to. He is here, He has not left me and He won't. He walks beside me even in these hard circumstances and He will not drop me. It is then I get refocused, turn the TV off, read the word, listen to sweet songs on my ipod and write this.....and I feel better. Life wasn't any harder this day than yesterday but I got a little off track and had to get back on. Walk on my friends, get your focus back, worship the King, spread His Good News, rest in the knowledge that you are His Beloved.

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