Thursday, November 20, 2008


Today it struck me just how frail and fragile we all are. Talking to a dear friend I realized how much we care about what others might think about us and how often our self worth does not come from God but comes from those around us. Now I could tell you the usual trifle, that our self worth comes from God and He made us and so we are good and worthwhile but you all know that. For whatever reason that knowledge does not automatically make us walk in confidence. We watch ourselves so closely, to see how others react to us. Some try another approach. They are more apt to be outrageous as a test to see if people will love them no matter how they act. Even if people do, they still wonder. Sometimes we even judge ourselve by how our children are behaving. If my children are doing well then I must be doing well, if they are not I am a failure. It is like we make ourselves the object lessons of our own self sabatouge and we rarely come out ahead. Today I am again struggling with the hurt of a broken relationship and I realize that it makes me feel very defensive about myself, wondering how others see me and reliving the hard moments of my life. I think that is another reason Paul urged us to "forget that which is behind" and press forward. That scripture is perhaps not just for the long past but also for the recent past. It is to help us when we feel like failures and want to give up and crawl in a hole. It is to urge us to look heavenward and not back at the earth with all of its troubles. I like that every day is fresh "with no mistakes in it." I need that to happen on a daily basis. We are God's creation and made in His likeness, but we are also clothed with skin and flesh and are well aware of our inadequacies and flaws. Every day I am grateful that there is one true God and that He chose me. That is what keeps me going. I still feel this flesh and skin that makes me human. I still wrestle with it and become entangled in those emotions. I still feel often battered and weary, but I am His. I have lots of sunny days but so many days I just feel beat up and I am tired of it. I want to challenge the way I see both life in general and the life God game me. I do this by living my life for God, knowing Him and that being it. All of it. I feel challenged to pray that God gives me 5 souls for the Kingdom this next year. Anyone have a similar dream or vision to share? I want to start thinking in a forward direction and see what God does. Thanks for visiting.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I always appreciate you not-so-random thoughts. You've got so much going on, at times it's heavy but yet transparent and honest and I appreciate that. I am interested in the bs group and yes, we do need to come up with a better/creative name for it. Not sure how it would all look or work but when the time is right, let's just jump in and see how it works. blessings!