Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Walking in the Spirit

What a day! Have you ever felt like you had just been kicked in the gut but you could not take time to react or even think about it ? Thats the kind of day I had today and believe it or not it had nothing to do with the election. I can't talk about it but suffice it to say that I got hurt by a good friend, hurt deeply. I can hardly write this but need to get it out, to speak it in words and this is my outlet. What is hard for me is the struggle I feel inside me. I wonder if Christ struggles with the pain we cause him? I wonder if my disobedience and coldness that happens so often leaves Him feeling bruised? I know somehow that it does not for he is perfectly significant and whole without any neediness but I know it is worth pondering. I know that it causes me, when I feel this much hurt to reexamine how I treat God's creation. I have been examining what it means to walk in the Spirit and not after the flesh. The obvious interpretation for me at the beginning of the week as I pondered it was my struggle with over-eating and how I feel so utterly defeated. But another interpretation occurred to me as I thought about how often I am cynical and unkind in my treatment of others. This came to mind today when I was the one hurt by another. I so desire to walk in God's Spirit and not in my flesh, to be useful to the one I love. I want to be all His and not fail. I long for the day when the struggle is over but there is much work to be done. My Laura needs to come home to God, so many I love are not saved. It is inconceivable that I waste so much time when there is so much need, so crazy to waste time feeling hurt when so many others are so badly wounded and without hope. I am totally disappointed in myself but still feel the anxious anticipation of what Christ is doing, both in me and through me. I feel much like Paul said of creation in Romans 8, that "we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body." Groaning as we struggle in the flesh, knowing our redemption is near and that victory is ours.

3 comments:

Miss Charity said...

What beautiful words...I so enjoyed reading your blog! I didn't know you had a blog...just through your myspace. Anyhow, thank you for sharing your Godly wisdom, we youngsters need Godly women in our lives...

Amber Rose said...

I found you!! You can run but you can't hide!!
Two weeks ago I was also hurt by a friend, I don't often get my feelings hurt, so when it happens it shocks me. Good for me to think about how much I must hurt God and really for someone like me who sticks her foot in her mouth so much, it's good for me to feel what I must have dished out on others so many times before..as usual, you have blessed me..don't hide! Embrace your blogness (and add me to your list!)

Amber Rose said...

ooh and I think you need to do a blog bible study..in your spare time of course:)